My 32-Day Commitment to Organized Bliss!

Because I know that this commitment will keep me on course to my goals, I promise myself that every day for the next 32 days I will take the following action:

Let me start by saying that this commitment challenge has come at the perfect time! Last week my family and I moved into a new place that has all of the wonderful ammenities our previous residence eliminated. We have a swimming pool again and a playground too! We are very excited to be here! 

My Closet

I am NOT excited to be surrounded 
by boxes, bins, bags, and bulk! 
I hate the feeling that being  
disorganized leaves me with. 
Clutter is my enemy! I spend more 
time looking for things than I do 
actually using them! Grrrr.... 

Part of Living Room

  The day we chose to move was a spur of the moment opportunity because Daddy was home and could assist my brother with moving all of the big items. I decided I didn't want to stay in the old place without the big items. You know: luxuries like a bed, table, couch, dressers...luxury my butt! I need that stuff! 

Lining my bedroom wall

So, allowing myself no notice to prepare for a move, I started 
packing bins and boxes and 
moving things over all in one day. 
This means that each box could 
contain items from anywhere that 
do not necessarily belong together. 
Just thinking about the task ahead is very overwhelming considering my already busy schedule that accompanies being a full-time employee, student, and mother of three. 

Part of My Bedroom

 I am also extremely excited at the prospect of being completely unpacked and organized in a mere 32 days. 

I commit to sorting through this monstrosity that lerks in every corner of every room and find a home for every single item lying around. 


 
 Plan of Action: 

My plan of action is simple:
Grab a box, go through the box!

Outside Bath

Put contents of boxes, bins, and bags away in an organized fashion. I have included some photos that I just walked around and snapped; they will give you a clear understanding of my starting point and will be a reminder of my accomplishment in 32 days. 

Hallway

Tomorrow is Day 1...WISH ME LUCK!







Day 1: Wed., April 9th 

Today was a long day. It was 8pm and the alarm went off on my phone reminding me to write what I have accomplished toward my goal. I hadn't accomplished a thing. It appears this challenge is exactly what I need to push me. With weary eyes and a sore back, I looked around and thought to myself...Where the heck do I start. 

 
I thought the dining room area was an important area to clear off quickly. I like when we sit and eat dinner at the table as a family and tonight it just wasn't possible. Also, this is where the kids do their homework.

This was tonight's undertaking. Sifting through odds and ends of things that were gathered from the old apartment yesterday...without boxes. 
Not fun...



 I am proud to say, I found the table...it turns out it was there the whole time...who knew! I thought I might oober impress and have the pictures hanging on the bare walls too, but the hammer is...well, I have no idea where.

Day 2: Thurs., April 10th

My son had a play date today which means I had not one, but two toddlers here all day and a puppy. I also worked for a couple hours after the older kids got home from school. Needless to say, I was not very productive. I did manage to put away two rather small boxes of kitchen stuff. My spices are now safe in a kitchen cubbard as well as cans of veggies, soups, and spaghettios. A little disappointed that I didn't get more done, but it's only day two so I will try not to beat myself up too much. Forward motion...

Day 3: Fri., April 11th

Today felt like two steps forward and three steps back. After working all day, doing homework, and taking care of three kids (one of which was a challenge from sunrise to sunset), I really wasn't sure how much more I had left in me to accomplish anything. But, a commitment is a commitment. 

My two steps forward were getting my kitchen clean and organized as well as organizing the kid's bathroom. I emptied three more small boxes and a big, black garbage ban that wasn't very full. It had clothes to be washed. Simple fix. The only thing I have left to do in the kitchen is clean the top of the stove and put the dishes away once the dishwasher finishes doing its magic. 

My three steps back...There are three boxes on the table that weren't there last night. I'm honestly not sure if I put them there or if one of the kids did. I don't know what is in them and quite frankly, I don't care. I will move them because I like being able to look at SOMETHING and see a clean surface without clutter. 

I am a little sad that the hammer hasn't presented itself, but I guess not too sad since I haven't yet formed a search party to find it. The blank white walls are so plain and sad. I hate looking at them. I love being surrounded by pictures of my family. Their smiling faces remind me that days don't always have to be as bad as today was, but that's a different story. 

Day 4: Sat., April 12th

Today I didn't unpack anything. No excuses, I just didn't. However, the boxes that found their way to the dining room table yesterday, whose content I didn't care about, didn't just get moved to another location. I didn't want to move them knowing I was leaving them to be dealt with another day, so I opened them up and put their contents away before going to bed last night. 

Day 5: Sun., April 13th

Today I managed to empty one big garbage bag and a couple of small boxes. There are now 6 empty boxes by my front door. I am hoping that will be enough to pack up the rest of my kitchen at the old place. I hate that there is still more to do over there. Have to find time and energy soon, not to mention motivation, because the month is slipping by quickly! My table is still clear and the hammer is still hiding. Bastard. 

Day 6: Mon., April 14th

I am not starting this week off good at all. I managed to clean the kitchen this evening, which meant putting away a single small box of kitchen items, but that is as far as I got. Clearly there was more cleaning than unpacking going on.I really hope tomorrow goes better. I really want this whole thing done by the end of this challenge and it has already been almost a week. 

Oh yea, I found the hammer! Yes, there was a small celebration! By the time I found it, I felt it was too late to start hammering, but at least now I know I can!

Day 7: Tues., April 15th

Tonight was another night of Mission NOT Accomplished. I have come to the realization that "finding" time and energy to do this overwhelming task isn't working. I must "make" time to work on this. Starting tomorrow I will pencil in at least 30 minutes a night to do things that will advance me toward my goal. I know I really should make it an hour, but let's start small and work our way up.

Day 8: Wed., April 16th

I do have a little bit of progress to report. After an unexpected nap, I managed to get up and unload two garbage bags of stuff and put them away, sort of. Yes, some things are in big, thick, black garbage bags because this move got kicked into high gear and I packed in a day...with what I had to work with. One bag contained shoes, easy fix you would think. Not when you haven't cleared the boxes from the closet that are in the way of where the shoes will go. For now, at least the bag is out of the living room and in the bedroom where the shoes will eventually reside in my closet. The other bag had clean clothes in it. Some were hung, some are in storage bins until I clear the corner of the bedroom where the dresser is going to go.

Day 9: Thurs., April 17th 

I am proud to say not only do I have a dining room, but I have a living room too! I managed to empty a few small boxes that were surrounding my end table, holding it hostage. I swept and mopped the floors and was able to lay down my new rug! It already feels more warm and inviting, as long as you don't look at the chaise lounge in the corner! 

  
My goal for this weekend is to put away everything on the chaise lounge, donate the box of clothes by the front door, and start to hang up some pictures on the walls! Go me!!  

Day 10: Fri., April 18th

I did not unpack a single bag or box today. I worked all day, then went to pick up my boys (one from daycare and one from school) and got home just in time to start work again. I took on the task of homework after feeding the kids dinner, managing to complete a few assignments for a couple of different classes. I still have more due before the weekend is over. My goal is still to clear off the chaise lounge, which I am starting to see is going to require a small miracle since work and homework comes before organizing our belongings.

Day 11: Sat., April 19th

Today was zero steps forward and I can't even tell you how many steps back. I think the boxes might be starting to multiply on their own; I must investigate further into this phenomenon.  I swear the other day I had a dining room table. Now I have a bunch of boxes piled up that seem to be hovering above 4 legs. Ugh. My weekend goal is slipping away. I MUST find the dining room table in the morning so that we can keep our tradition of coloring eggs Easter morning. On a positive note, church was awesome tonight!

Day 12: Sun., April 20th
The weekend is pretty much over and although I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to, I did accomplish something. The two big boxes, one small box, and the garbage bag full of stuff all got put away tonight, clearing yet another piece of furniture. I will have a couple of free hours before my rare late start time for work tomorrow, so I plan on accomplishing more then. Happy Easter! 

 Days 13 & 14: Mon., April 21st & Tues., April 22nd

The last two days have been very busy; this seems to be the norm lately. I am very excited to report that I got our dresser out of the hallway and into our bedroom! Yay! I hated passing it in the hallway a million times a day knowing it didn't belong there. Clutter is NOT a friend of mine! I also did a lot of work in our bedroom. When all was said and done, I had 5 empty bins and 3 empty boxes! I even managed to get a little bit of decor hung up in our bathroom! I hope Daddy is proud of the progress I am making. It isn't easy doing it all by myself while juggling work, school, three kids, and all of our homework. But, I am trying my best to get things done when I can -- which is really all I can do! This exhausted momma needs to hit the showers and take herself to bed!

Day 15: Wed., April 23rd

Well, I don't have any unpacking to report, however, I do have some packing progress to report. I have officially finished getting everything out of our old place, except a crib that I am giving to a friend and a chair that my brother is going to take to his place. Other than that, everything we own is now under our new roof! Yay! I was dreading having to go back there and deal with the odds and ends that were left behind, but I am glad it is done! All I have left to do is clean...go me!



Day 16: Thurs., April 24th

In celebration of doing such a great job emptying our old place, I decided to take tonight off! Totally kidding. Truth is I worked on homework all day. Not only did I not unpack the 4 bins and 2 boxes that got brought home after clearing out the old place, I didn't clean anything either. Yep...epic failure in that department; but, it's ok! Major success in homework department, which, after my family is my #1 priority. Needless to say, I have my work cut out for me over the next few days because this disorganization is killing me and I must make a dent in it soon...oh yea, and start preparing for finals. Ugh...

Day 17: Fri., April 25th

Wow, I can't believe this challenge is already half over! I wish half the work was done, but as I look around and survey things, I see that is most certainly not the case. It is getting there, but not as quickly as I would like. That having been said, I did manage to empty one big box and 3 small boxes. I also got some of my dining room decor on the walls as well as some decor in the hallway. Progress!

Day 18: Sat., April 26th

I really, really, really wants this done! It really, really, really didn't happen today. I definitely have a sense of overwhelm when it comes to all I have left to accomplish. If only cleaning fairies had friends who were organizational fairies...I would be set! Unfortunately, it's all on me and me is tired. 

Day 19: Sun., April 27th

Once again, I was unproductive in the getting organized department. I worked a split shift where in between I had to go to my daughter's school. I did manage to play outside with the kids for a little while; boy, did my heart need that! I hope to be more successful tomorrow! I am trying not to get too discouraged and am reminding myself that sometimes other things are more important and must come first. 

Day 20: Mon., April 28th

Today I have a little bit of success to report, but not much. I managed to empty a couple of small boxes and put their contents away; it was mainly kitchen stuff. I am feeling the pressure of the days counting down. I want so much more done by this weekend, but where do I find the time, energy, and cooperation of my children to not mess up everything I accomplish. I peeked in their bedrooms tonight. Not good...

Day 21: Tues., April 29th

Newsflash! I actually feel like I accomplished some things tonight! Not only did I clean a messy kitchen and dining room, but I managed to empty 1 large box, 1 medium box, and about 4 small boxes. Most of their contents were kitchen things. I even scrubbed them all down before putting them away! I know, right!! I feel really good about all I got done this evening; I just wish it didn't mean time away from Daddy. I am going to bed very late, but I feel like I did good tonight, and that is a good feeling. 

Day 22: Wed., April 30th

I didn't unpack any boxes today, but at least I am completely done with the old place. I did manage to get a few more pictures hung today and a little cleaning but that's pretty much all I have to report. Tomorrow I have to work on homework, but home to get a lot more done as I take breaks. Lots to do. 

Day 23: Thurs., May 1st

Today was a good day for getting things done! I emptied 3 more bins and washed EVERYTHING that goes in the kitchen. I hung some more pictures too; it is starting to look like home. I am going to get some more done before I go to bed, but that will mainly be straightening and a bit of picking up. My daughter's new bed arrived today, so hopefully Daddy can put that together for her when he gets home! 

Days 24, 25, and 26: Fri thru Sun

We had a celebration of sorts over the weekend, so it was really crunch time to getting things done! I am glad to report that the main areas of our new place were clean, uncluttered and without any boxes or bins lying about. I finally got the chaise lounge cleaned off -- well, if "cleaned off" means thrown in to a bin to deal with another day! Hey...like I said, it was crunch time! At least most of our rooms look fabulous! There are several bins in our bedroom that still need to be addressed, most of which are clothes and an easy fix. Hopefully will get through all that this coming week -- as I also study for finals and work on the remainder of my assignments for this semester! 

Days 27 and 28: Mon., May 5th and Tues., May 6th

I did get some more clothes put away, but there is still a lot more to get hung up and put in dressers. That's pretty much all I have to report at this time. This week I am needing to concentrate on studying for finals, as I mentioned in my previous post...that and spending time with my family while Daddy is home.  

Days 29 through 32

I can say that this challenge has not been an easy one! There were daily struggles in trying to make time to get things done. In the end, I can say that a lot of our belongings found a place to go. I still have work to do, but if it hadn't been for taking on this challenge, I can say with certainty there would be a lot more left undone! My kitchen is fully stocked and organized, my dining room is decorated and functional and I have a living room that allows us to relax and provides a place for me to work from home too. 

I absolutely love being a student, but am looking forward to taking the summer off to accomplish what is left of this daunting task, focus on my family, and have some fun! My first order of unpacking will be to organizing our bedroom closet and get the remainder of my clothes, shoes, and accessories put away! I look forward to a future I can almost see of clean closets, room to move around without scraping up my legs, and smiling faces. 

End scene! 
 

Oahu - Descriptive Write

As I step off the airplane, my tired body is suddenly rejuvenated by the Hawaiian sun soaking its way through my skin and into my soul. All the pressure and stresses of everyday life melt away as I inhale and exhale slowly, deeply in total relaxation. After a short twenty minute drive, we have arrived in Honolulu, Hawaii, home to historical Pearl Harbor and the United States Pacific Fleet.

After checking into the vibrant, incredible Waikiki Hotel, which nestles against the sandy shores of Waikiki Beach, we head straight to the water. The first thing I notice is the breathtaking background Leahi, also known as Diamond Head State Monument. It is wondrous! Its natural beauty inspires me, a 760 foot tuff crater that offers a panoramic view of Honolulu is something we will have to inspect more closely before our departure. For now, we stretch out our blanket against the hot, soft, inviting sand and soak in what surrounds us. The crashing of the waves as they crest and disappear against the stone wall that separates the beach from hotels, sidewalks, and traffic drowns out conversations happening nearby.

After allowing the warming sun to bond with our bodies, we decide to experience the water. I notice the way the sand creeps between my newly manicured toes and covers the bottom of my feet, inching upward as I sink into the uncountable beachfront morsels. I feel the coolness of the water rushing over my feet. I am surprised at the relative warmth of the clear, blue water surrounding me. Our bodies adjust to its temperature very quickly as we embrace. This is magical. I wanted to stay in the water but my body was craving the sun and something to quench my growing thirst.

You haven't had a Mai-Tai until you have had a Mai-Tai in Hawaii. It seems that everything is richer, more natural, less concocted. The smooth blending of rum with a variety of tropical fruit juices brought my taste buds alive and awakened my spirit with its refreshing cleanse. After a couple of these delightful drinks we were ready to head back to the hotel and clean the remnants of the beach from our every crevice and prepare for dinner. I looked forward to experiencing an authentic luau with Kalua Pig accompanied by marinated, steamed cabbage and all the trimmings. It was sure to be a chance of a lifetime moment I would never forget. 

What's Cooking (a guided descriptive essay)

I did not have to think long about what to make for the “What’s Cooking” writing assignment I was given in my English 101 Class. I have always been a big fan of rice krispie treats, both making and devouring them. The recipe couldn’t get much simpler, as it only has three ingredients: Rice Krispies cereal, butter, and mini marshmallows. 

More specifically, my recipe calls for the following: 

11 ½ cups of Rice Krispies cereal

One stick of butter

One 16 oz. bag of mini marshmallows

Let’s get started!

First, giving a messy cook like myself a fighting chance at limiting spillage, I reached down into my cream colored cabinet containing all of my pots and pans and pulled out the tallest, most round, and shiniest pot I own. I felt the cold, stainless steel handles as my fingers curled around them, pulling it forward, past all other options and placing it on the stove. After removing the wrapper that hugged a single stick of buttery, yellow goodness, I dropped it into the center of the silver, reflective vessel, making a soft clanking noise. For those wild enough to measure it out, the equivalent is eight tablespoons of butter, but I caution you that this will add minutes to your clean up time. 

 

The secret to moist, mouth-watering rice krispie treats is to allow the butter to take its sweet time melting down to its pale liquid form. 

If you rush it and the creamy yellow, almost clear coloring turns to the slightest tinge of brownness, you will force your treats to be dry and crumble out of the mouths who want to enjoy them. 

 Once the butter has completely melted, pour in the entire sixteen-ounce bag of mini marshmallows. I tend to gravitate to the light, fluffy, squishable “Jet Puffed” marshmallows made by Kraft. As with the butter, you want to allow these tiny, white clouds of loveliness to soften and liquefy gradually.

 

 Before pouring in the snap-crackle-pop cereal, choose your weapon of mixture and give it a quick spurt of cooking spray. This will allow your instrument to glide through the gluey and bumpy combined textures without unwanted resistance. Be sure to thoroughly coat the entire mass, repeatedly scraping along the bottom of the pan and looping back up to the top, through the middle, and invading every crevice. 

Once you are finished combining the ooey-gooey liquids and the crispy, chunky solids you are ready to dispense the entire blend into a 13x9 non-stick pan. I suggest that you very lightly spray the interior of the pan with cooking spray because I have yet to come across a pan that is truly non-stick. In the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, I decided to top off my dessert with a two-tone combination of green sprinkles as a finishing touch.

After allowing the dish to cool, cut into squares and share your pan of delectable treats!

  It was a beautiful day and there were several children playing outside in the courtyard. It took about thirty seconds for me to return inside with an empty plate after having gazed upon many little, smiling faces full of thanks.

My favorite thing about rice krispies treats is that you can add just about anything sweet to add your personally desired wow factor. Whether you add peanut butter or chocolate chips, your treats are sure to be amazing! Want something colorful? Try using Fruity Pebbles cereal for a delightfully adorable Easter dessert full of color!

Reflection

I crashed in on the world of blogging twenty-five days ago as a requirement of a composition class I am currently enrolled in through my college. I have always enjoyed writing, but I would not say that I felt confident in my abilities. I have always second-guessed just about every written word. In the end, I am generally pleased with my outcome even though it is a long, thorough, painstaking process. 

At the onset of this activity, I did not think that exposing my words, thoughts, and life experiences to the viral world could have a positive impact on my writing. I thought this requirement was unnecessary. I accepted the challenge because of my strong desire to do well in school. More importantly, I recognized that there have been times in my life where writing made the difference between my breaking down or finding the strength to push forward and survive my circumstances. I decided that in order to fully appreciate what this course has to offer, I needed to fully engulf myself in its processes. As my first blog stated, I proceeded with caution. 

This method of learning was not an easy undertaking for me. I would sit down at my desk, with three kids buzzing around  and providing welcomed distractions, and feel like I had nothing to say. The same questions, night after night, ran through my mind. What should I write about? How do I entertain my audience? Should I try to be funny or just let the words fill the space as they come to me? On several occasions, I turned to another social media outlet to provide me some inspiration. I needed something to spark. I needed words to burrow their way into my mind and marinate around, giving me a discussion-worthy topic. My wonderful friends were always willing to suggest subjects that would not have occurred to me on my own. I really appreciated their assistance and willingness to help. One of my favorite blogs, Phone Etiquette, stemmed from one of my old boss's suggestions. Other times, I became a Facebook stalker, inspecting post after post, and hoping that my eyes would focus on something, anything, that inspired me to write. My significant other was also a great source of untapped resources for me. He was great about offering up suggestions, even though I shot them down on occasion. 

Several discoveries came about throughout my blogging blunders. I started to realize that free writing really does improve fluency. I saw my productivity increasing and the amount of time spent typing decreasing. Words came easier and seemed to spill onto the screen with little effort. I also recognized that the intimidating three hundred word requirement was usually succeeded and sometimes doubled without watching my word count. I started to dismiss thoughts of quantity. This freed me up to really focus on the quality and content of my postings. 

I was no stranger to the challenges a project of this nature presented. I despised the public nature of this task. I hated not feeling free to fully express myself through my stories and situations because I was concerned with avoiding putting too much of my personal life "out there." I lathed the  daily requirement. I am a full-time employee and single mom of three wonderfully energetic children who have their own needs and wants that I am devoted to. It was frustrating to have to sit down, every night, taking time away from my family because I had to write a blog. Although I understood where my children's comments were coming from, I grew tired of hearing such things as: "Are you doing homework again?" and "Why can't you just take one night off?" as well as statements of "You are always doing homework" and "I can't hear the t.v." 

There were also many things I liked about my twenty-five days in a row blogging. I grew to appreciate having an avenue to express myself without fear of judgment. I had decided to share my blog I.D. with a couple of important people in my life that I admire, respect and who provide welcomed feedback on my writing. My significant other was wonderful with the feedback offered to me. He may not know it, but he inspires me every day with his enthusiasm. He looked forward to reading my blogs and would often ask me if I was done yet so that he could read it. He was always the first to tell me what he liked, what he didn't like, what he thought was funny, and which blogs were his favorite. My sister, a teacher, also pushed me forward with her positivity. She loved my blogs and offered advice where it was needed. Once, she told me I needed a refresher course in the use of semicolons. It made me laugh, because I had JUST had a refresher course in language and punctuation last semester. She was unaware of this. I appreciated her honest feedback because was constructive and given in a light-hearted way. It made me go back and review the things I had learned. I grasped that I had fallen back on sprinkling them around instead of paying attention to the small details of my writing's punctuation. I don't think I will ever forget again that a semi-colon requires a complete sentence on either side of it.

Reading other student's blogs inspired me to explore different types of writing. I tried descriptive writing and determined that I really enjoy it. One of my classmates is incredible at providing details of her story but also at setting the surroundings of the story, thus making placing her audience in the moment. I wanted to be able to paint a picture for my readers as she did for me. I think I accomplished that with my blog about wanting to be outside playing with my kids instead of stuck inside doing homework. I concentrated on the details of what I was seeing and feeling. It takes deeper thought and a real attention to detail, which takes more time initially, but once the words started to flow it became an easier process that flowed along nicely. 

In conclusion, I am glad that I embraced the idea of blogging and took full advantage of all it had to offer. It has allowed me to explore my writing voice, work on my attention to detail, and focus on what I want my writing to accomplish. I can't say that I will continue to blog, at least not every day, but I will try to write often because I can see how it has improved the speed in which words and thoughts come to me. I want to continue to grow as a writer. For me, writing is therapeutic and I enjoy the feeling I get when I immerse myself in its development.

I am a dolphin!

Tonight I took one of those little tests on Facebook; it was titled, 'What animal are you?" After answering the ten questions, I was told that I am a dolphin. Excellent! I love dolphins! They are adorable and entertaining, hmm...kind of like me except without the bottle nose and fins! It went into further personality traits by stating the following: 

"You are a lover of life and people. Your energy and appetite for learning plus intelligence and empathy make you successful at almost everything."

So, lets analyze the information for the sake of my blog post. I agree that I, in general, am a "people lover" as well as a "lover of life." I do try to see the good in people, despite my instincts built in from long ago that steer me in the opposite direction. I haven't always been a lover of life. I have mentioned the survival mode mindset that I was stuck in for a long time. There is no blame to be placed. I made decisions in my life that lead me to that state of being. The difference now is simply that I am making better choices. I consider what is best for myself as well as my family. 

Although I am still working on attaining the stability I desire and have yet to conquer the weight loss monster, I do absolutely love life. The love my children have for me is amazing and pure and can not be shaken, no matter how many mistakes I think I make as their mom. I can only pray that they feel the same thing from me, despite having the responsibility of disciplining them and providing structure that they aren't always excited to receive. I also know the love of an incredible man. He supports my dreams, stands beside me and helps me to see things from a perspective other than my own. He tells me every day that he loves me and that he misses me when we are not together, but more importantly, he shows me these things. 

Although I agree that I have an energy and appetite for learning and show empathy and even some intelligence, I don't know that I am successful at "almost everything." What I will say is that I am getting there! I am learning new things in school and in life that I know will be a tremendous help in my future successes. I suppose for now, I will enjoy the little accomplishments: the smiles of my children, the "A" papers and assignments, the positive and constructive feedback of my instructors, the bond of true friendships that I maintain, and the wonderful relationship I anticipate being made of the things that last a lifetime.

A desire for "Home"

Night after night, the disruptive alarm on my cell phone reminds me of something I am suppose to be doing. Sharply at 8:30pm, I am given a bold reminder with two simple words: "Write Blog"  Being a girl, you would think this would be a simple task. After all, girls love to talk and I am no exception to that stereotype. I often become a Facebook stalker, inspecting post after post, hoping that something will spark a train of thought in my head and inspire me to have something to say. 

Tonight I saw a post that read:
 
"There will be so many times you feel like you've failed. But in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child, you are supermom. 

What is on my mind tonight is the possibility of moving, again. I desperately want to have a place of our own that my kids can identify as "home." I hear stories all the time that start with, "The house I grew up in..." 

When I was a kid, we had a house my mom rented when I was younger that I don't remember a whole lot about. I think it was white and had a pretty big yard, or at least that is the image that comes to mind when I think about it. I very vividly remember the huge mulberry tree in the front yard, probably because of playing outside barefoot and constantly coming in with purple feet. I loved to pick the mulberries but I never ate them. I only have a few really happy memories in that house. I remember playing "Ghost in the Graveyard" and climbing up really high in a tree where no one could find me. I waited, watching everyone, for a long while before climbing down. I didn't want to give away such an awesome place to hide. I remember the hole in the floor where my mom's bed leg broke through. I remember my neighbor's house across the street. I loved to go there to play; their daughter had everything "Barbie" you could possibly imagine. I felt safe there. 

We then moved to a house that my grandfather, "Papa" built. Papa was the best grandfather a girl could hope for. I remember cuddling with him, hanging out with him. I remember the way he used his middle finger to point things out. I remember his garden in the back yard that he worked in all the time. I remember a basement full of collected rocks, and trees made out of copper wires adhered to smoothed out rocks that looked like they had crystals in them, animals glued to the bottom. I remember thin green carpeting that had no padding what so ever and yellow walls and an unfinished basement. I remember playing "500" and "Running Bases" in the yard and the insane flooding that would happen after every horrendous downpour. I remember, after Papa passed away, once again not feeling safe.

After my mom's last divorce, we moved from apartment, to house, to apartment and suddenly I was grown with little to no real sense of "home." As a young adult, I continued to move around -- relationships would end that were no longer working, friendships would break down where suddenly, time after time, I would find myself in search of a new place to live. There were times my only address was "staying with friends" where some nights, many nights, I really wasn't sure where I was going to sleep. I remember the sense of accomplishment I felt when I finally had my own apartment, in my name, and no one could take it away from me. It felt good to have a key to a door where my things and I resided without disruption. 

I see myself repeating some of the patterns I saw growing up and I know these are not the experiences I want to impress into my children's minds. We had a house for a while, I think for four or five years. It was a fixer upper that we grew out of once my first son started to get bigger. We moved into a much better house, but it was short lived. We weren't there more than a couple of years before I found myself getting a divorce and having no other choice but to move. The house was far too expensive for me to handle solo. 

I moved myself and my then two children five-hundred miles away from everything we knew. We moved from a big, beautiful, spacious house with an adorable fenced in back yard into an apartment away from everyone we knew. We stayed there for a couple of years, and then I made a hasty decision, and moved into an apartment that had an indoor pool and a little bit more square footage. I envisioned all the fun we would have being able to swim all year around, and the playground and picnic tables outside we would build memories around. Now the pool is gone along with the picnic tables and the playground. Reality wasn't even close to the picture that the previous manager of this property had painted for me before moving in. We have stuck it out for almost two years, and now I find myself thinking about moving...again. 

I don't want to be the mom that moves her kids every couple of years. I know what it felt like to switch schools, sometimes in the middle of a school year and I don't want to push those experiences onto my kids. What do I do. I want a home where my family can bond and grow and love. The rent has been increased and the perks have gone away. Do I move us again, perhaps BACK to where we used to live in an effort to be able to save more money and be able to purchase a home quicker? My oldest daughter is twelve-years-old, she only has so many years left with me at "home." She deserves stability, they all do. I feel an overwhelming need to provide this for them. Do the means of moving again justify the end result I am hoping for, preparing for? Or, is it just another move? 

I don't know what to do. 

Another Wintery Mix?

The last thing I wanted to hear in the weather forecast was to expect another wintery mix headed our way. One of the benefits I look forward to enjoying having moved from Illinois (close to the Wisconsin border) to Missouri is less severe winters, less snow accumulation. Granted, we definitely get less snow, but Missouri ice storms are no joke! It looks like starting in the wee hours of the morning we will bet getting just that. Perhaps someone needs to advise Mother Nature that we are two days away from the beginning of March! Please, no more snow, no more ice, and no more wintery mixes! 

I look forward to the things we can expect in the springtime. I want to hear birds chirping; I want to see flowers blooming and grass returning to its vibrant shades of green. I want to wear cute sandals and play outside with my kids. I want to surround my balcony with pretty flowers and a decorated set of table and chairs. I look forward to sitting outside soaking up the sun's rays while doing homework instead of being stuck inside under artificial lighting. I miss walking at the park, kicking a ball around outside, playing catch, and cooking out on the grill.

I want to pack away winter coats and hats, gloves and scarves, extra thick blankets and big wet boots. I don't want to have to dress in layers and wear thick, fat socks. I don't want to argue with my son about the fact that he wants to run outside in just a hoodie and shoes or have to remind my daughter, for the one-hundredth time to remember to bring her coat home and not leave it in her locker at school. 

I want Spring to arrive.