Today was a beautiful day, or at least that was the impression I got as I sat at my desk for countless hours knocking out one assignment after the next and re-writing notes, of which I still have more to do. My desk now faces our patio doors, which provides me a view of the blank courtyard where we live. There used to be picnic tables and a playground, but that has all been removed for one reason or another. Thankfully, our children are resourceful and can have fun with very little resources, just as I did when I felt the freedom of being outside. The sun is shining on our courtyard, kissing the faces of smiling children and warming the ground that was recently covered with snow. Spring is coming.
I can hear all the "apartment children" laughing and playing. I am able to focus on one particular laugh that I know very well. As I peer over my computer screen, thru the blinds, and out to the courtyard, I see our little boy running, giggling, and kicking a ball with his brother and sister, all the while trying to keep it away from them. I want to be out there. I want to feel the sun on my face, warming me. I want to kick a ball around and chase our kids and enjoy this beautiful day God has given us. I want to grab my softball mitt and our little man's tiny, new tee-ball mitt and teach our boy how to play catch so he can surprise his Daddy when he gets home from being on the road working. Once again, the fun I intend to surround myself with has to wait another day. Bummer.
As I try to focus of the positives of the day, I think about when our little man got up from his not-so-long nap, there was no 'hi mommy,' all he said was, "movie." He is turning into quite a movie fan. I can't wait for Daddy and I to be able to take him to a "real" movie in a big theater. I am curious to see what he does with all that wonderment. My homework had progressed along, so we popped in "Despicable Me," one of his favorites, and snuggled up on the couch together. As he lay against me, I could feel how completely relaxed and at peace we both were. These are the connections, the quiet times that I long for. He is always running at full speed, for him to slow himself down, and allow me to have some time with him and bond with him, there is no greater gift. I soaked up all forty or so minutes of it until his sister, the saboteur, said, "You wanna go back outside." That was the end of mommy and me time.
Our little man went out to have some fun while I fell asleep on the phone with Daddy. I guess I was even more tired, with this crazy schedule of one long night after another, than I thought. Was I making a selfish decision in agreeing to take a nap instead of running outside to play? I knew I needed it to make it through the rest of the day and still have enough energy for what the rest of the evening had in store for us.
As I wrap up my reflection of the day, having kissed my babies and told them good night, I hope that tomorrow will bring us another beautiful day and renew my chance to connect with our three blessings and all that surrounds us.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Present, but not accounted for...
My daily struggle...
One point that always seems to be emphasized at my wonderful church is how our actions trump our words. We want to be a community where what we do shows what we believe. Parishioners, including myself, faithfully to go church week after week and give because we want to make an impact in the community we live in and around the world. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I am making a difference in the lives of those around me. Sometimes I wonder if I am making a big enough difference in my own home.
I tell my children that family comes first. I tell them that no one will love them and always be there for them like family will. I tell them these things because I want the way they treat each other to mirror those ideas. But, in their eyes, I often wonder if my actions reflect those statements.
I am present. Most days I have the privilege to be able to work from home and I go to school online, but I worry about the lack of quality time I am able to give to my family right now. The man I choose to spend my life with and our children mean everything to me. My toddler has a new favorite movie, "Rise of the Guardians," that has been playing on a continual loop for several days now. I haven't seen it once. I have heard it, I have seen bits and pieces, but I have yet had the opportunity to snuggle up on the couch under a blanket and experience it with him. I feel like I am being selfish because my dreams are taking away from their experiences now. My kids will only be kids for a short time. My oldest is six short years away from being considered an adult. My older son is only eight years away and my little guy isn't so little anymore and the days of him wanting to hang out with me over anyone else are most certainly numbered.
I have mentioned before that this online semester has been exceedingly more demanding that I had expected. Every night and all of my days off from work are devoured doing schoolwork of one sort or another. I have yet to discover the super woman within me who can successfully handle everything: work, school, three kids and all of their needs, cooking, and cleaning. I want to be able to do it all, but it's a lot to balance on my own. I have very little help, the wonderful man in my life has a job that keeps him all over the map most of the time. He makes sacrifices every day to make sure that he can take care of his family. I admire how incredibly strong he is.
My mind tells me that pursuing my education is an important goal that I am not going to give up on or divert from just because things get harder. My heart tells me that I am giving up precious time with my children. It is a daily battle I torment myself with. I am very concerned about what I am taking away from my family during this extremely demanding process. They are the backbone of who I am and who I want to be. I feel like I am forcing them to miss out on me because I am putting in the necessary time to focus on being successful in school. My partner is much more understand than my children, of course. I hear these comments posed as questions far too often: when are you going to be done with that homework, why are you working again, didn't you already work today, how much homework do you have to do, and the list goes on.
I hope that my children, when they look back on this challenging time, will be able to recognize that I was doing the necessary things to provide us a more secure future. I hope they will see my determination and drive and know that life, among other things, involves sacrifice and that although we always have a choice, all choices are not ideal. I hope they see that I did the very best I could and that in the long run it all paid off. I hope that they will always feel the love and bond I feel for them and with them that will never go away.
One point that always seems to be emphasized at my wonderful church is how our actions trump our words. We want to be a community where what we do shows what we believe. Parishioners, including myself, faithfully to go church week after week and give because we want to make an impact in the community we live in and around the world. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I am making a difference in the lives of those around me. Sometimes I wonder if I am making a big enough difference in my own home.
I tell my children that family comes first. I tell them that no one will love them and always be there for them like family will. I tell them these things because I want the way they treat each other to mirror those ideas. But, in their eyes, I often wonder if my actions reflect those statements.
I am present. Most days I have the privilege to be able to work from home and I go to school online, but I worry about the lack of quality time I am able to give to my family right now. The man I choose to spend my life with and our children mean everything to me. My toddler has a new favorite movie, "Rise of the Guardians," that has been playing on a continual loop for several days now. I haven't seen it once. I have heard it, I have seen bits and pieces, but I have yet had the opportunity to snuggle up on the couch under a blanket and experience it with him. I feel like I am being selfish because my dreams are taking away from their experiences now. My kids will only be kids for a short time. My oldest is six short years away from being considered an adult. My older son is only eight years away and my little guy isn't so little anymore and the days of him wanting to hang out with me over anyone else are most certainly numbered.
I have mentioned before that this online semester has been exceedingly more demanding that I had expected. Every night and all of my days off from work are devoured doing schoolwork of one sort or another. I have yet to discover the super woman within me who can successfully handle everything: work, school, three kids and all of their needs, cooking, and cleaning. I want to be able to do it all, but it's a lot to balance on my own. I have very little help, the wonderful man in my life has a job that keeps him all over the map most of the time. He makes sacrifices every day to make sure that he can take care of his family. I admire how incredibly strong he is.
My mind tells me that pursuing my education is an important goal that I am not going to give up on or divert from just because things get harder. My heart tells me that I am giving up precious time with my children. It is a daily battle I torment myself with. I am very concerned about what I am taking away from my family during this extremely demanding process. They are the backbone of who I am and who I want to be. I feel like I am forcing them to miss out on me because I am putting in the necessary time to focus on being successful in school. My partner is much more understand than my children, of course. I hear these comments posed as questions far too often: when are you going to be done with that homework, why are you working again, didn't you already work today, how much homework do you have to do, and the list goes on.
I hope that my children, when they look back on this challenging time, will be able to recognize that I was doing the necessary things to provide us a more secure future. I hope they will see my determination and drive and know that life, among other things, involves sacrifice and that although we always have a choice, all choices are not ideal. I hope they see that I did the very best I could and that in the long run it all paid off. I hope that they will always feel the love and bond I feel for them and with them that will never go away.
Friday, February 14, 2014
I Believe Essay
Tonight I am working on what I hope is my final draft of my personal credo, my "I Believe Essay"....
I believe that having faith and trust in God is an essential piece of who I am today and who I will continue to be and improve upon in the future. I haven't always felt this way. I think I always believed in God, but I definitely didn't always think he was with me. I know that I didn't feel a connection with God growing up. My childhood had some really awesome days, but most weren't nearly as wonderful. Growing up in a house with two adults and five children, including myself, the last word you would think I would use to describe my existence would be "alone." Surrounded by people, I felt very alone. I think we were all just trying to survive the hand life had dealt us. Looking back, I recognize that my mom did the best she could with what she had. Her mother had abandoned her when she was a small child, just nine-years-old, so at least my mom stuck by me -- in her own way. I think if I had developed a relationship with God then, I may not have felt a sense of abandonment. I have been on a personal journey with God for the past almost two years and have grown much closer to him. I know that I am never truly alone and that God has a better plan for me than I could ever design for myself, by myself. I hope to pass the love of God on to my children so they will always know how very special they are and that their lives have meaning and purpose.
Living with purpose is something I try to do. The more focused and driven I become, the more dedicated and persistent I am, which will reflect that I am a woman with purpose. My life has worth beyond what I can comprehend. Some of the beliefs I hold dear and hope to instill in my children are to love unconditionally without hesitation or fear. I hope that knowing the purity of God's love and feeling the love I have for them will always be with them in their individual life journeys. I want them to always look for the positive in even the bleakest of situations. There is always something positive to draw from, even if it is nothing more than a valuable life lesson. It is there, just waiting to be discovered. Many of life's blessings are little things that can, if you aren't paying attention, go unnoticed.
I want to live my life with integrity. I learned early in life that sometimes I had to lie to get through situations that could have otherwise ended badly for em, or at least that is what I believed. I lied a lot. Sometimes I told lies to spare someone's feelings, other times it was just to stay out of trouble or to take the easy way out. As I grew older and started to think more about the consequences of my choices, the more I learned that being a person who lives with integrity was something I wanted to achieve. I wanted others to know, without question, that they could count on me to always be honest and that I could be trusted. I hope that the people in my life now are able to recognize that I try to be honest and fair in all situations. I always tell my children, "If you tell me the truth we can talk about it, but if you tell me a lie then you are automatically in trouble." I almost always know when the truth is being side-stepped. I have a strong inner voice that tells me when something isn't right. I want to teach them that it is much better to always tell the truth, in the nicest way possible so as not to hurt anyone intentionally. Even if someone doesn't like what I or they may have to say, at least they will respect our honesty.
I believe that showing kindness and patience for those around us is something every human being should practice. I love the saying, "God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason." It reminds me to be quiet and listen. It is important to listen more than we talk. Sometimes in conversation, I interrupt the other person with "me too" interjections and I turn the conversation to being about me. I am working on realizing this before I actually do it. I am a work in progress. I think I am just connecting with what the person is saying, and suddenly I have taken over the conversation instead of hearing the other person.
I want to always have a thirst for knowledge. There are so many things in life that I don't know much about. I have always done pretty well in school, for the most part, and love to learn new and interesting things. I want to continue to explore deeper meanings and expand my understanding of things. Keeping my mind sharp for as many years as I am given is something I hope to always strive toward.
I believe in empowering those I encounter in life with words of praise, encouragement, and support. I want to give those around me a reason to smile as often as possible. If I can leave my mark on this world through the hearts and memories of those people I have touched during my time here, than I will have lived my life full of meaning and purpose.
I believe that having faith and trust in God is an essential piece of who I am today and who I will continue to be and improve upon in the future. I haven't always felt this way. I think I always believed in God, but I definitely didn't always think he was with me. I know that I didn't feel a connection with God growing up. My childhood had some really awesome days, but most weren't nearly as wonderful. Growing up in a house with two adults and five children, including myself, the last word you would think I would use to describe my existence would be "alone." Surrounded by people, I felt very alone. I think we were all just trying to survive the hand life had dealt us. Looking back, I recognize that my mom did the best she could with what she had. Her mother had abandoned her when she was a small child, just nine-years-old, so at least my mom stuck by me -- in her own way. I think if I had developed a relationship with God then, I may not have felt a sense of abandonment. I have been on a personal journey with God for the past almost two years and have grown much closer to him. I know that I am never truly alone and that God has a better plan for me than I could ever design for myself, by myself. I hope to pass the love of God on to my children so they will always know how very special they are and that their lives have meaning and purpose.
Living with purpose is something I try to do. The more focused and driven I become, the more dedicated and persistent I am, which will reflect that I am a woman with purpose. My life has worth beyond what I can comprehend. Some of the beliefs I hold dear and hope to instill in my children are to love unconditionally without hesitation or fear. I hope that knowing the purity of God's love and feeling the love I have for them will always be with them in their individual life journeys. I want them to always look for the positive in even the bleakest of situations. There is always something positive to draw from, even if it is nothing more than a valuable life lesson. It is there, just waiting to be discovered. Many of life's blessings are little things that can, if you aren't paying attention, go unnoticed.
I want to live my life with integrity. I learned early in life that sometimes I had to lie to get through situations that could have otherwise ended badly for em, or at least that is what I believed. I lied a lot. Sometimes I told lies to spare someone's feelings, other times it was just to stay out of trouble or to take the easy way out. As I grew older and started to think more about the consequences of my choices, the more I learned that being a person who lives with integrity was something I wanted to achieve. I wanted others to know, without question, that they could count on me to always be honest and that I could be trusted. I hope that the people in my life now are able to recognize that I try to be honest and fair in all situations. I always tell my children, "If you tell me the truth we can talk about it, but if you tell me a lie then you are automatically in trouble." I almost always know when the truth is being side-stepped. I have a strong inner voice that tells me when something isn't right. I want to teach them that it is much better to always tell the truth, in the nicest way possible so as not to hurt anyone intentionally. Even if someone doesn't like what I or they may have to say, at least they will respect our honesty.
I believe that showing kindness and patience for those around us is something every human being should practice. I love the saying, "God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason." It reminds me to be quiet and listen. It is important to listen more than we talk. Sometimes in conversation, I interrupt the other person with "me too" interjections and I turn the conversation to being about me. I am working on realizing this before I actually do it. I am a work in progress. I think I am just connecting with what the person is saying, and suddenly I have taken over the conversation instead of hearing the other person.
I want to always have a thirst for knowledge. There are so many things in life that I don't know much about. I have always done pretty well in school, for the most part, and love to learn new and interesting things. I want to continue to explore deeper meanings and expand my understanding of things. Keeping my mind sharp for as many years as I am given is something I hope to always strive toward.
I believe in empowering those I encounter in life with words of praise, encouragement, and support. I want to give those around me a reason to smile as often as possible. If I can leave my mark on this world through the hearts and memories of those people I have touched during my time here, than I will have lived my life full of meaning and purpose.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Is Romance Dead?
I Google everything; it is pretty much my go-to online resource. According to Google, the definition of "romance" in the noun form is a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. The very rapidly approaching holiday, Valentine's Day, begs the following question: Is romance dead?
I actually took a poll on Facebook to see what some of my friends had to say about it. As I suspected, no one said that it was "dead", however, one person thought it might be sleeping. I am thinking a little nudge in the right direction can wake it right up from that nap!
I believe that romance is displayed in millions of little ways, not just grand gestures. You hear all the time that it is the little things that really matter. When I think of romance, I think of the little things. The every day "I love you" that makes your heart just melt. The "I miss you" that lets you know someone is thinking about you and can't wait to be with you again. Catching your special someone looking at you just for the sake of looking at you and you realize your heart is beating faster. These are all lovely, small, romantic gestures to be treasured.
Whether or not you have romance in your life probably depends on how you would define romance. I think anything my guy does for me that makes my day easier, brighter, or just a little less stressed is perfectly acceptable to put into the romance column, because it is all done in the name of love. Refusing to let me take out the trash, marking things off the honey-do list every chance he gets, late night movies snuggled up on the couch when it is just us, protecting our family, supporting all of my goals, and most of all putting up with me are just a few of the wonderful things that spell out romance for me.
Don't get me wrong; we want some grand gestures too! And, by "we", I mean me! I think some men think "grand gesture" and see their wallet emptying at an exasperatingly fast rate. Not true. Some of the most romantic things a guy can do for his girl wouldn't cost him a dime. I don't know any girl who wouldn't love a poem, an unexpected kiss, a big hug that you are in no hurry to let go of, a pat on the bottom as you walk past them, a love letter, a sweet serenade of a special song, or just walking hand-in-hand no matter where you are. To me, these are the grandest of gestures because they can not be bought.
I actually took a poll on Facebook to see what some of my friends had to say about it. As I suspected, no one said that it was "dead", however, one person thought it might be sleeping. I am thinking a little nudge in the right direction can wake it right up from that nap!
I believe that romance is displayed in millions of little ways, not just grand gestures. You hear all the time that it is the little things that really matter. When I think of romance, I think of the little things. The every day "I love you" that makes your heart just melt. The "I miss you" that lets you know someone is thinking about you and can't wait to be with you again. Catching your special someone looking at you just for the sake of looking at you and you realize your heart is beating faster. These are all lovely, small, romantic gestures to be treasured.
Whether or not you have romance in your life probably depends on how you would define romance. I think anything my guy does for me that makes my day easier, brighter, or just a little less stressed is perfectly acceptable to put into the romance column, because it is all done in the name of love. Refusing to let me take out the trash, marking things off the honey-do list every chance he gets, late night movies snuggled up on the couch when it is just us, protecting our family, supporting all of my goals, and most of all putting up with me are just a few of the wonderful things that spell out romance for me.
Don't get me wrong; we want some grand gestures too! And, by "we", I mean me! I think some men think "grand gesture" and see their wallet emptying at an exasperatingly fast rate. Not true. Some of the most romantic things a guy can do for his girl wouldn't cost him a dime. I don't know any girl who wouldn't love a poem, an unexpected kiss, a big hug that you are in no hurry to let go of, a pat on the bottom as you walk past them, a love letter, a sweet serenade of a special song, or just walking hand-in-hand no matter where you are. To me, these are the grandest of gestures because they can not be bought.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
The Entertainer
I have a twelve-year-old, a ten-year-old, and a two-year-old. Needless to say, it has been a long time since I have had a toddler in my home 24/7. I forgot just how entertaining they can be. Our little man is no exception. As we speak, this little ball of energy is using a couch pillow as a battering ram and coming for me repeatedly as I sit in my office chair and attempt to write this blog. I don't have the heart to tell him to stop, because he has been belly-laughing the entire time! He has a big, beautiful smile that lights up any room.
Have you ever thought to use bubble wrap to entertain a toddler? It works great about thirty minutes before bedtime! When my older kids were little, I was a consultant for a home based business; back then everything was shipped to me, which meant A LOT of bubble wrap. I used to line a hallway in my house and let them go at it. Up and down the hall, all I heard was POP, POP, POP! The other night I put some bubble wrap on my kitchen floor (because just about everything else is carpeted). He was on the attack; running back and forth in leaps and bounds. He is our funny little man; the entertainer.
Being a toddler, his vocabulary is growing daily. Some things are pronounced easier than others. Sometimes "truck" sounds like, well, a four letter word that rhymes with truck. Somehow, "X-Box" sounds like the same not-so-nice four letter word. Some days all I hear is "truck" all the way home from daycare. He is a little sponge, soaking up what he hears and spitting it right back out at you. This is why I have a swear jar at home. There is more money in that jar than in my wallet.
Often, after his Daddy will tell him to stop doing something, he will say, "Do you hear me?" Our boy then likes to turn around and use such lines on his sister and brother; and lets face it, sometimes me. What a little stinker. This is our little man's newest favorite saying. He tells his brother to "go away" followed by "do you hear me" as many times as it takes for him to be far enough away or for me to tell him to stop it and be nice.
He insists on helping carry in the groceries, probably because he sees his sister and brother doing it. He is two. He is not very strong. The other day, I had stopped at the store, but I didn't buy much. The lightest bag had a large jar of mixed nuts in it. By the time the bag got inside, the bottom was worn away from it being drug down the sidewalk, there was snow inside of it, and the jar of nuts was barely still inside the bag. He was so proud when he got inside, as he handed to me, he said with a big smile "Here you go!"
He prefers to walk in the snow when there is a perfectly good sidewalk, he says he is hungry to try to get a later bedtime, he says no poopy when there is clearly poopy, he tries to lick ketchup off his elbow that he can't quite reach...he is our little trucking entertainer and we wouldn't trade him for the world.
Have you ever thought to use bubble wrap to entertain a toddler? It works great about thirty minutes before bedtime! When my older kids were little, I was a consultant for a home based business; back then everything was shipped to me, which meant A LOT of bubble wrap. I used to line a hallway in my house and let them go at it. Up and down the hall, all I heard was POP, POP, POP! The other night I put some bubble wrap on my kitchen floor (because just about everything else is carpeted). He was on the attack; running back and forth in leaps and bounds. He is our funny little man; the entertainer.
Being a toddler, his vocabulary is growing daily. Some things are pronounced easier than others. Sometimes "truck" sounds like, well, a four letter word that rhymes with truck. Somehow, "X-Box" sounds like the same not-so-nice four letter word. Some days all I hear is "truck" all the way home from daycare. He is a little sponge, soaking up what he hears and spitting it right back out at you. This is why I have a swear jar at home. There is more money in that jar than in my wallet.
Often, after his Daddy will tell him to stop doing something, he will say, "Do you hear me?" Our boy then likes to turn around and use such lines on his sister and brother; and lets face it, sometimes me. What a little stinker. This is our little man's newest favorite saying. He tells his brother to "go away" followed by "do you hear me" as many times as it takes for him to be far enough away or for me to tell him to stop it and be nice.
He insists on helping carry in the groceries, probably because he sees his sister and brother doing it. He is two. He is not very strong. The other day, I had stopped at the store, but I didn't buy much. The lightest bag had a large jar of mixed nuts in it. By the time the bag got inside, the bottom was worn away from it being drug down the sidewalk, there was snow inside of it, and the jar of nuts was barely still inside the bag. He was so proud when he got inside, as he handed to me, he said with a big smile "Here you go!"
He prefers to walk in the snow when there is a perfectly good sidewalk, he says he is hungry to try to get a later bedtime, he says no poopy when there is clearly poopy, he tries to lick ketchup off his elbow that he can't quite reach...he is our little trucking entertainer and we wouldn't trade him for the world.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Is it Summer yet?
Finals were over. The fall semester was almost a wrap and I was already busy planning my Spring semester. I love being a college student, working toward a goal, and week after week learning new things about myself as well as my scholastic pursuits. I had my classes all lined up when everything changed. I hurt my knee and initially could barely walk on it. Suddenly, I was dreading the Spring semester thinking about how I could get around campus in such a way that it wouldn't prolong my healing process. I have a very full life and didn't want to be kept "down" for an extended period of time. After talking it over with my better half, we decided that the best thing to do would be to change things up. I dropped all the seated classes I was looking forward to and signed up for online classes. For some crazy reason, I also decided to pick this semester to take on full-time credit hours. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.
I thought I would go online a couple of times a week, turn in assignments, and have more free time to spend with my family. I was very, very wrong. Looking back, doing a little research before jumping to this decision would have been a great idea. I had no clue that online classes would be INTENSELY more demanding than seated classes. The fact that I went from two or three classes to five classes probably helped that feeling along. I had bitten off more than I could chew.
So, I am going to tell you what I wish I had allowed someone to tell me. Don't do it! Run away! I hope you are still reading, because that was a joke! If you are going to take online classes, you MUST plan ahead. Expect to spend about three hours of your "free" time devoted to schoolwork for EVERY one credit hour; that is per week. So, if you have twelve credit hours (considered full-time) that is thirty-six hours spent pretty much online. That is a job! There will be a lot of online time, reading time (there is a lot of reading), doing assignments, and taking notes. I haven't sat down and figured out the time, but I will tell you this: Expect to be online every night doing schoolwork! If you have a day off of work, you will probably use most of that on schoolwork too. I didn't realize that teachers would be making up for the lack of classroom discussions in an online discussion board. I understand why they do it, I just hadn't planned for it. This adds a significant amount of time online and reading.
Get organized BEFORE the semester starts! So much time is wasted in disorganization. Set yourself up for success. I keep a binder with details of each course between separator tabs; course syllabuses, rubrics, special instructions, pretty much anything you want to be able to access quickly should be readily available. I also have a separate five-subject notebook for each class. You are also going to want to put together a calendar that has ALL of your commitments on it, whether it be related to work, school, or private life (if you are lucky enough to still have one after work and school...good luck with that!) If you take some time at the beginning of the semester to do these things, you will save yourself a lot of time and stress in the long run. Trust me on this one!
Talk to the important people in your life about the commitment you are making. It is going to take sacrifice -- on your part and on theirs. Just ask the wonderful man in my life or my kids, one of which is 99% his and 1% mine. I get the poop and the puke. I know what you are thinking; raw deal. Don't worry, it's an inside joke and you aren't suppose to get it. As I was saying, it's a balancing act that I can't give much advice on because, quite frankly, I am still trying to figure it out myself. I know every day that I am very blessed to have a man in my life who supports the goals I have made, probably even more than I do. He once even sent me to our bedroom to do homework when he caught me making faces at the kids! He sacrifices time we could be spending together so that I can pursue my dream. I want a college degree for myself and to improve our future.
My family has sacrificed a lot in order for me to pursue my education. I can not wait to complete this semester with another 4.0 and TAKE THE SUMMER OFF! I am so excited! I plan to have a lot more time for my family. I have some making up to do. They have to deal with a crazy lady for sixteen-week increments. As much as I love being a student and am thoroughly enjoying the learning process, I love being a mom and partner-in-crime for life immensely more. Ninety-three days and counting...
I thought I would go online a couple of times a week, turn in assignments, and have more free time to spend with my family. I was very, very wrong. Looking back, doing a little research before jumping to this decision would have been a great idea. I had no clue that online classes would be INTENSELY more demanding than seated classes. The fact that I went from two or three classes to five classes probably helped that feeling along. I had bitten off more than I could chew.
So, I am going to tell you what I wish I had allowed someone to tell me. Don't do it! Run away! I hope you are still reading, because that was a joke! If you are going to take online classes, you MUST plan ahead. Expect to spend about three hours of your "free" time devoted to schoolwork for EVERY one credit hour; that is per week. So, if you have twelve credit hours (considered full-time) that is thirty-six hours spent pretty much online. That is a job! There will be a lot of online time, reading time (there is a lot of reading), doing assignments, and taking notes. I haven't sat down and figured out the time, but I will tell you this: Expect to be online every night doing schoolwork! If you have a day off of work, you will probably use most of that on schoolwork too. I didn't realize that teachers would be making up for the lack of classroom discussions in an online discussion board. I understand why they do it, I just hadn't planned for it. This adds a significant amount of time online and reading.
Get organized BEFORE the semester starts! So much time is wasted in disorganization. Set yourself up for success. I keep a binder with details of each course between separator tabs; course syllabuses, rubrics, special instructions, pretty much anything you want to be able to access quickly should be readily available. I also have a separate five-subject notebook for each class. You are also going to want to put together a calendar that has ALL of your commitments on it, whether it be related to work, school, or private life (if you are lucky enough to still have one after work and school...good luck with that!) If you take some time at the beginning of the semester to do these things, you will save yourself a lot of time and stress in the long run. Trust me on this one!
Talk to the important people in your life about the commitment you are making. It is going to take sacrifice -- on your part and on theirs. Just ask the wonderful man in my life or my kids, one of which is 99% his and 1% mine. I get the poop and the puke. I know what you are thinking; raw deal. Don't worry, it's an inside joke and you aren't suppose to get it. As I was saying, it's a balancing act that I can't give much advice on because, quite frankly, I am still trying to figure it out myself. I know every day that I am very blessed to have a man in my life who supports the goals I have made, probably even more than I do. He once even sent me to our bedroom to do homework when he caught me making faces at the kids! He sacrifices time we could be spending together so that I can pursue my dream. I want a college degree for myself and to improve our future.
My family has sacrificed a lot in order for me to pursue my education. I can not wait to complete this semester with another 4.0 and TAKE THE SUMMER OFF! I am so excited! I plan to have a lot more time for my family. I have some making up to do. They have to deal with a crazy lady for sixteen-week increments. As much as I love being a student and am thoroughly enjoying the learning process, I love being a mom and partner-in-crime for life immensely more. Ninety-three days and counting...
Monday, February 10, 2014
Growing Up Too Fast
This is a subject that is very dear to my heart. My daughter is twelve. She will be a teenager this year, and although sometimes I wonder if she will ever grow up, I am thankful that she is far from the other end of the spectrum on this subject. It baffles me that I see these "little girls" running around in tiny dresses, high heels, short shorts, and shirts that show their mid-sections. I don't understand it.
Last year, when my daughter was only in the sixth grade, she brought home a flyer advertising a school dance. It would have been her first in middle school. I remember this innocent statement, "Mom, I need a dress." I asked her why..."Because, it says we have to dress up, so I have to wear a dress." I explained to her that it just meant she should look nice, put together. She was eleven. "Can I wear make-up?" I didn't have to think about the answer. NO. I know some parents think that it's a special occasion and that it isn't a big deal; and I know it is not my place to judge, but my personal opinion, which luckily is the one that matters in this situation, is that she is too young. Besides, she doesn't need it. She is beautiful all on her own.
My girl went to her dance in a nice pair of gray dress slacks, a respectable, cute top that covered all her bits and pieces, a flower in her hair, and my bracelet, necklace, and earrings. She looked adorable. She looked eleven! There weren't any kids standing outside when I dropped her off for the dance, because it was a cold night, and I imagine all the kids headed right inside rather than waiting for their friends to show up like I did when I was a kid.
I was mortified at what I saw when I picked her up after the dance. All the kids were standing outside waiting for their rides to get there. I was floored at all these MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN dressed in incredibly high heels, even shorter skirts and dresses; some of which didn't even have a coat on. So, when does it become a big deal? It's a special occasion, so let her show EVERYTHING? My daughter got in the car, and the first thing she told me was, "Mom, my friend was so gross. Her dress was so short every time she moved we could see her butt." Thank goodness my daughter didn't think this look was "cute."
I called the school the following week and asked them what their dress policy is for attending a dance. They didn't have one. I understand that it is 100% a parent's responsibility to provide good judgment when deciding what they will allow their daughters to leave the house in, but shouldn't the school have a say in what they allow inside? I understand that it means probably 80% of the girls at that dance would have been sent home. Their stand was, if the parents allow it, what can we do. You can send their butt home for inappropriate attire! I bet if they want to come to the next dance, and be allowed to stay, they will think about what they are wearing, even if their parents don't!
I do not understand.
I hear moms say, "I want to be her friend so she will always talk to me." What is it you want them to talk about? The fact that they think it's okay to want a baby at twelve and thirteen years old? That they want birth control before they even get into high school? Don't get me wrong, open communication is crucial to being able to address your child's issues as they come up, but being their friend and allowing them to wear whatever they want is most certainly NOT the answer. Surely there must be a better way. We have plenty of time to be our child's friend when they are grown.
I know that life is busy and sometimes you just don't want to go through the fight. I get it. When I took my daughter school shopping this year it took a couple of hours just to find some shorts that didn't show her thighs, or the top of her bottom. For me, it's worth the search, the huffing and puffing, and if it gets to an argument, we leave the store with no clothes. Period. Regardless of what the television, magazines, or their peers are saying, we need to allow our children to be children. They have the rest of their lives to be adults. Our daughters should be focusing on school, learning how to be independent, strong females. Boys will always be there; their childhood will not.
Last year, when my daughter was only in the sixth grade, she brought home a flyer advertising a school dance. It would have been her first in middle school. I remember this innocent statement, "Mom, I need a dress." I asked her why..."Because, it says we have to dress up, so I have to wear a dress." I explained to her that it just meant she should look nice, put together. She was eleven. "Can I wear make-up?" I didn't have to think about the answer. NO. I know some parents think that it's a special occasion and that it isn't a big deal; and I know it is not my place to judge, but my personal opinion, which luckily is the one that matters in this situation, is that she is too young. Besides, she doesn't need it. She is beautiful all on her own.
My girl went to her dance in a nice pair of gray dress slacks, a respectable, cute top that covered all her bits and pieces, a flower in her hair, and my bracelet, necklace, and earrings. She looked adorable. She looked eleven! There weren't any kids standing outside when I dropped her off for the dance, because it was a cold night, and I imagine all the kids headed right inside rather than waiting for their friends to show up like I did when I was a kid.
I was mortified at what I saw when I picked her up after the dance. All the kids were standing outside waiting for their rides to get there. I was floored at all these MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN dressed in incredibly high heels, even shorter skirts and dresses; some of which didn't even have a coat on. So, when does it become a big deal? It's a special occasion, so let her show EVERYTHING? My daughter got in the car, and the first thing she told me was, "Mom, my friend was so gross. Her dress was so short every time she moved we could see her butt." Thank goodness my daughter didn't think this look was "cute."
I called the school the following week and asked them what their dress policy is for attending a dance. They didn't have one. I understand that it is 100% a parent's responsibility to provide good judgment when deciding what they will allow their daughters to leave the house in, but shouldn't the school have a say in what they allow inside? I understand that it means probably 80% of the girls at that dance would have been sent home. Their stand was, if the parents allow it, what can we do. You can send their butt home for inappropriate attire! I bet if they want to come to the next dance, and be allowed to stay, they will think about what they are wearing, even if their parents don't!
I do not understand.
I hear moms say, "I want to be her friend so she will always talk to me." What is it you want them to talk about? The fact that they think it's okay to want a baby at twelve and thirteen years old? That they want birth control before they even get into high school? Don't get me wrong, open communication is crucial to being able to address your child's issues as they come up, but being their friend and allowing them to wear whatever they want is most certainly NOT the answer. Surely there must be a better way. We have plenty of time to be our child's friend when they are grown.
I know that life is busy and sometimes you just don't want to go through the fight. I get it. When I took my daughter school shopping this year it took a couple of hours just to find some shorts that didn't show her thighs, or the top of her bottom. For me, it's worth the search, the huffing and puffing, and if it gets to an argument, we leave the store with no clothes. Period. Regardless of what the television, magazines, or their peers are saying, we need to allow our children to be children. They have the rest of their lives to be adults. Our daughters should be focusing on school, learning how to be independent, strong females. Boys will always be there; their childhood will not.
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