"This I Believe" Freewrite

I believe that my connection with God is stronger than it has ever been. I have always believed in God, but never really felt a personal connection where I could say, "That was God." My personal experiences in church growing up was sporatic at best. I remember going to a tiny little white church as a pre-teen. I really liked it there. It was very small and everybody seemed to know everybody else. If I remember correctly, my mom grew up going to that church. As important as it seems to have been to her, I am surprised that there wasn't more of a presence of God taught to us. I remember Sunday School, sitting in a room with my sister, reading from the bible and hoping not to embarrass myself by messing up the words. One time I was told where to stop reading, but I forgot so I just kept reading. No one stopped me. I finally stopped on my own because I thought surely I am done by now. When the next person took their turn, they basically re-read the second half of what I read. Whoops! I guess I went way over! We went to that church here and there, off and on...then it would just stop. I do remember that the pastor's wife died and later the pastor also. I really liked him. I think once they were both gone, that was the end of the little church I grew up in.

There was another church I remember going to. It was huge, especially compared to the small group I was used to. I did not like it there. The best part was sitting in the pew and eating all of my mom's velments (no clue how to spell it) like they were candy. Looking back I think she gave them to us to keep us quiet. I felt out of place there. It seemed impersonal and cold. I didn't mind that we stopped going there. 

When I was married we occasionally went to a catholic church. I felt extremely out of place there. I knew nothing about the catholic religion, but my spouse was catholic, although certainly not practicing. 

Fast forward to about a year or so ago, and I am living on my own terms with my kids and decide, hey, we need to find a church. I just felt an urge to reconnect with God. I asked around and a few people all suggested the same church, North Point Baptist Church. I have to say, from the first moment we walked through their welcoming doors, I felt like I was home. A feeling came over me like I knew this is where I was suppose to be. The wonderful lady holding the door for us welcomed me and my kids. I mentioned that it was our first time and North Point, and without hesitation, she got someone else to cover the door and took us on a tour. She showed me each of the kids rooms they would be in and then took me in to the service, just as it was getting ready to start. She even offered to sit with me in service! How sweet is that? Since then, I have continued to grow closer and closer to God. I have learned so much and really grown to love my fellow North Pointers. They truly are a community of fabulous people who believe that it takes action to change and improve the lives around us. Now I can feel God with me again. It is the most amazing feeling. 

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"This I believe" Statements...

1. I believe that I am very tired and I need to figure out a way to get to bed earlier.
2. I believe that my children are the three most important blessings in my life. 
3. I believe that my feet are cold.
4. I believe that my connection with God is stronger than it has ever been.
5. I believe that going to college is a tool that will elevate my future. 
6. I believe that never in my life have I been in love like this
7. I believe my soul mate found me.
8. I believe we must teach our children by example, not instruction. 
9. I believe that my two-year-old son's legos will be the death of me!
10. I believe that I am missing someone right now.
11. I believe that you can not truly love another person without knowing love for yourself.
12. I believe that I am going to kick butt in this 13-week weight loss challenge and win $150!
13. I believe my mind just went blank.
14. I believe I am able to type pretty darn fast.
15. I believe I work tomorrow from 8am to 1pm.
16. I believe that my time is almost up.
17. I believe I am running out of things to say I believe about.
18. I believe it has now been ten minutes and my time is up.

 

Reflection of my Jung Typology Test

After answering several questions in the Jung Typology Test, it was determined that my type indicators are "ISFJ." You might be wondering what those letters mean. I sure did! 

Introversion

Sensing

Feeling

Judging 

I really enjoyed reading what it all meant. Some things I think were spot on and others maybe not so much. I think it definitely gives insight to who I am, what makes me tick, and possibly how others perceive me. According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), generally ISFJ types are kind, practical, warm, loyal, and thoughtful. I certainly think I possess these wonderful traits, and hope that others recognize this in me as well, so I guess I am not the exception to the rule in this case. 

However, after reading, "They are usually in tune with their feelings and are capable of remaining calm during difficult situations," well...I chuckled a little. My emotions seem to trump my logic in most situations that are less than pleasant. This could be why, just as the indicators suggest, I do not like conflict and will work to accommodate others. Sometimes this is to my own detriment. I can't tell you how many times in my life I have NOT said what I was thinking or feeling because I thought it might offend or upset someone. Unfortunately, this usually leads to small issues becoming large ones because I let things that are bothering me pile up until I am ready to explode. Then every little thing bothers me. I tend to internalize these feelings and it often leads to me being filled with stress and thinking of every worst possible outcome of whatever situation I am in. 

In true ISFJ form, I had to get up and turn the background music playing down because it was too distracting. I guess that plays into preferring a quiet work environment to facilitate my reflection. I think that too much going on around me makes it hard for me to focus my thoughts and feelings. This is probably why I am typing this at 10:48pm when my children are fast asleep, or at least I hope they are! 

I found the career exploration section of this peek into my "type" to be especially beneficial. You see, this is my fourth semester in school and I have yet to decide what I want to focus on; what my degree will be in. A few of the suggested careers really peaked my interest: Personnel Administrator, Paralegal, and Social Worker; just to name a few. Looking back at my professional experiences, I most enjoyed the Human Resources field. I really thrived in that genre. Being a Social Worker is something that I think would very much be a double edged sword for me. I think that I would be really good at it, but I also believe that I would get too emotionally involved to be able to do it successfully. I would have a hard time leaving work at work. 

Some things within myself that I have been trying to work on are also detailed in this summary. It actually reinforced something positive for me. Being able to recognize my own shortcomings and wanting to improve myself is something I hope to never stop doing. I have always had a hard time saying no to people. This must go back to the "pleaser" inside of me that always wants to help others. I don't remember where I saw this, probably a shared post on Facebook, but I try to remember it when I am asked for help. 

When you are saying yes to someone, make sure it doesn't mean saying no to yourself. 

That is a great thought! I often try to help to the point where it hinders what I need to do for myself and my family. In the last couple of years, I have really tried to focus my energy on what is right for my family. The aftermath of changing my thinking has proven to be interesting at times, disheartening at times, but overall a positive outcome. The people who I once thought were among my closest of friends, sisters it turns out really aren't. People that I once saw as an aquaintenence have become my strongest supporters. I think it is important to evolve as a person, and part of that is looking at those around you and recognizing why they are there and sometimes seeing that maybe they shouldn't be.

In reading about decision making of an ISFJ, I have to say that I do NOT fit the mold. Examining a situation, evaluating information, reflecting to ensure a fair choice was made, and being objective doesn't play a huge role in my initial decision making. I really appreciate that this overview also mentioned things my type "need to do" to ensure good decision making. I think if I tried to take my time during the decision making process and objectively examined the practicalities of a decision, then I could do all of those things. That is something I need to work on. 

I found the information about stress triggers and outcomes to be of particular importance to me. I stress about EVERYTHING. I have so many blessings in my life, which I do try to focus on, but I can stress myself out in many situations. Stress affects people in different ways. For me, it really hinders my thought process, being able to take action, and have peace in my mind. I am going to try to implement some of the suggested things that could help reduce my stress level. As it suggests, I will try to get more sleep, focus on my spirituality, choose activities that require a creative mind frame, and become more assertive. The sleep thing will have to start tomorrow! 

As I reflect on this read, I am thinking about the four words that make up ISFJ. Introversion - I agree that I tend to be an introvert with my feelings, emotions, and thoughts. I will never forget my first day of college. I was nervous, excited, scared, and proud. As I walked into my first class, I remember telling myself to get uncomfortable, do things I normally wouldn't do. I told myself that this is MY education and if I don't speak up and be an active participant, then I am doing myself a huge disservice. I used to wait to see if someone else would state an opinion or ask a question that I was also thinking. I think that being active about learning has become an essential tool in my success in college and in life. Sensing and Feeling - I think these go hand in hand for me. I am driven by emotion, wear my heart on my sleeve, connect and get attached to those around me. I have a genuine concern for humanity. I want to encourage others and hope that they will encourage me. Judging - I see this word in a negative light. I think it is human nature to judge the things and people around us. I know I have been guilty of it, as I am sure everyone has at one time or another. In reconnecting with God over the past year or so, I have really tried to listen more, understand more, and judge less. Judging isn't my place. I truly believe that we are all here to be a community of people, uplifting one another and praising in each others successes. I don't want to judge or condemn someone for their thoughts or actions, just as I would hope that others wouldn't judge me. 

I printed the results of my Jung Typology test and plan to refer back to it on a regular basis. I think it is a great reminder of who I am, who I want to be, and who I don't want to be both as a person and as a writer. I pour myself into my writing. It is like leaving a piece of myself out there for others to read and to see. The more I know and recognize about myself, the more my writing will improve. 

Pretty long blog for something who didn't want to blog. I am beginning to see why this is such a useful tool. It is about writing every day because each word will get me closer to being a better writer. 

 

You want me to do what...

Ok, so I guess this is blogging. I have never read a blog, let alone written one of my own. To be honest, I am not thrilled with this requirement of my composition class. I am a fairly private person and I don't enjoy knowing that my personal thoughts are out there for just "anyone" to read. Heck, there are people I went to school with that I won't even friend on facebook, because I limit who gets to have a private view into MY personal life. It's called a "personal" life for a reason. Ok, I think I am done whining about it...

I do want to be a very successful student, so I am going to give every effort to embrace the things I am being asked to do. I am the student, not the teacher, so I know that there is more than likely a reason for my doing this that I might not understand. So, with that having been said, I made a new google account that isn't tied to my cell phone or anything else I hope...I don't know how those things all link up, so here I go...proceeding with caution.