This is a subject that is very dear to my heart. My daughter is twelve. She will be a teenager this year, and although sometimes I wonder if she will ever grow up, I am thankful that she is far from the other end of the spectrum on this subject. It baffles me that I see these "little girls" running around in tiny dresses, high heels, short shorts, and shirts that show their mid-sections. I don't understand it.
Last year, when my daughter was only in the sixth grade, she brought home a flyer advertising a school dance. It would have been her first in middle school. I remember this innocent statement, "Mom, I need a dress." I asked her why..."Because, it says we have to dress up, so I have to wear a dress." I explained to her that it just meant she should look nice, put together. She was eleven. "Can I wear make-up?" I didn't have to think about the answer. NO. I know some parents think that it's a special occasion and that it isn't a big deal; and I know it is not my place to judge, but my personal opinion, which luckily is the one that matters in this situation, is that she is too young. Besides, she doesn't need it. She is beautiful all on her own.
My girl went to her dance in a nice pair of gray dress slacks, a respectable, cute top that covered all her bits and pieces, a flower in her hair, and my bracelet, necklace, and earrings. She looked adorable. She looked eleven! There weren't any kids standing outside when I dropped her off for the dance, because it was a cold night, and I imagine all the kids headed right inside rather than waiting for their friends to show up like I did when I was a kid.
I was mortified at what I saw when I picked her up after the dance. All the kids were standing outside waiting for their rides to get there. I was floored at all these MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN dressed in incredibly high heels, even shorter skirts and dresses; some of which didn't even have a coat on. So, when does it become a big deal? It's a special occasion, so let her show EVERYTHING? My daughter got in the car, and the first thing she told me was, "Mom, my friend was so gross. Her dress was so short every time she moved we could see her butt." Thank goodness my daughter didn't think this look was "cute."
I called the school the following week and asked them what their dress policy is for attending a dance. They didn't have one. I understand that it is 100% a parent's responsibility to provide good judgment when deciding what they will allow their daughters to leave the house in, but shouldn't the school have a say in what they allow inside? I understand that it means probably 80% of the girls at that dance would have been sent home. Their stand was, if the parents allow it, what can we do. You can send their butt home for inappropriate attire! I bet if they want to come to the next dance, and be allowed to stay, they will think about what they are wearing, even if their parents don't!
I do not understand.
I hear moms say, "I want to be her friend so she will always talk to me." What is it you want them to talk about? The fact that they think it's okay to want a baby at twelve and thirteen years old? That they want birth control before they even get into high school? Don't get me wrong, open communication is crucial to being able to address your child's issues as they come up, but being their friend and allowing them to wear whatever they want is most certainly NOT the answer. Surely there must be a better way. We have plenty of time to be our child's friend when they are grown.
I know that life is busy and sometimes you just don't want to go through the fight. I get it. When I took my daughter school shopping this year it took a couple of hours just to find some shorts that didn't show her thighs, or the top of her bottom. For me, it's worth the search, the huffing and puffing, and if it gets to an argument, we leave the store with no clothes. Period. Regardless of what the television, magazines, or their peers are saying, we need to allow our children to be children. They have the rest of their lives to be adults. Our daughters should be focusing on school, learning how to be independent, strong females. Boys will always be there; their childhood will not.
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